I have discovered a new super power! Tanking accountability for my own emotions. I think so many times in life we try to blame others for what has happened in our life, or better yet how we feel about our life. And to some degree this is kind of true...but I have discovered the deeper truth of taking accountability for my response to what people do to me or have done to me in the past.
This is one of the things I have noticed about getting older... you all of a sudden really understand all of those things that were told to you as a child. All of those little golden nuggets of wisdom that you thought you got...but until you get there, you really have no idea.
Okay so here is my big ah ha moment....So if you blame others for your experience in life, you are giving them complete power over your life. If you allow their actions to dictate your experience they might as well be living your life for you. However if you take accountability for your response your emotions, how you want to move forward, the power is put back into your hands. You don't have to place blame. Here is an example...
I had someone message me on the dating site, and like has happened many times before the conversation started off on a sexual nature. Now without going into detail let me just say that I have had my share of bad sexual experiences. As I know very many women have. These have affected my perception when it comes to sex. I have taken the immediate offense when someone jumps right into wanting sex. It triggers my "Oh that is all they want me for" "I'm not that easy" "what a jerk" response.
However if I am honest I like sex. I really enjoy it. I understand that people want it. So I take all of that emotion that I'm having and I don't put that onto this young man who is looking for friends with benefits. Some people out there are perfectly alright with satisfying their physical desires with no strings attached. I found out that for me,casual sex feels empty and shallow and therefore is not satisfying to me. So therefore I have the right to state what is my truth without putting blame on or shamming this young man for what he wants.
I have recently had an experience where I realized my stuff was being triggered.. My feelings of being rejected, my feelings of not being enough. I knew in reality none of this was true. I know that I am enough. I know that I will be fine in my life without this person in it, some things just don't work out...it just triggered my past...but in taking accountability for my response I discovered there is a great power in this. There is a great power in owning up to how I am feeling without casting blame on the other person for making me feel this way. They are just living their lives the best way they know how. They have their own issues too. I am the one feeling these feelings because of my past, not because of them. If I don't cast blame, if I say hey this is how I'm feeling, chances are they have felt that way too and will understand.
I am also not giving my power to them. If I put them in control, or say "you did this to me" I then have no power to change it. I am in a sense putting my happiness in their hands! However if I say "I feel this way" I know I have the power to change that. By either taking myself out of the situation that is making me feel that way or trying to find a better understanding of what exactly is going on.
So from this point forward it is my goal to acknowledge how I feel. Allow myself to have those feelings. Then ask myself "Okay now what can I do to make myself feel better?" I have also written out a list of 100 things that make me feel happy. I can go to this list and pick one. A couple of examples are going to the gym, dancing around my apartment, or making myself a cup of hot apple cider. I find this helps to make me feel a lot less helpless, and it also makes me feel that I am taking care of myself. :)
That is all for now. Big love everyone!!
No comments:
Post a Comment