Hello again my friends :) I hope you all had a wonderful weekend, and that your Monday isn't too rough on you :)
So a couple of things that have been running through my mind since my first official blog...(That feels a bit weird typing that, good but weird ;))
When I first decided my life needed to change I realized I didn't know how to change it...I basically knew that my coping skills of drinking, smoking, eating, and watching T.V. were not exactly the healthy ways to deal with my problems. I had read books, been inspired for a while but then when things got hard I would shut down and run to my escapes, hell I would run to them when things weren't that hard too. Don't get me wrong I would have good times...but there was just this underlying feeling of disappointment in myself and in my life that I ultimately couldn't shake. I would have a great day..then I would sit down and feel like "well now what?" "is this it?" All of these not pleasant feelings wanted to start coming up. And I didn't have the answers to all of the questions they were making me ask myself...so it was this viscous cycle of "how?" "why?" "i don't know". Never ending...there was no escape... How do I find the answers to these life questions?
So I thought "OK I need to look at people who have been successful in their life. What did they do? How did they deal with hard times? What was their thought process?" One thing that kept being said but never really explained was that you had to "Process your emotions" "Honor your feelings" I thought "Okay great! How?" No one explained how one really goes about "processing your emotions" they would just say it assuming that everyone knew what that meant...I didn't... Or they would recommend therapy but quite frankly I couldn't afford that. Then I came across a lovely lady Rori Raye, she is a dating and life coach, and she said whenever you feel an emotion triggered instead of pushing it down or trying to think your way through it, you get down on your knees and you feel it. You don't analyze it, think about, or try to control it, you just breath through it and focus on the physical sensations the emotions (there usually is never Just one!) are making your body feel. Tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, heat rising through you etc.
So I started practicing this. Luckily for me I live alone and so when I started to feel sad, or some unknown emotion getting triggered, or starting to stir up inside of me, instead of turning on the TV, or distracting myself with something else, I could drop to my knees. I know this sounds very dramatic! I thought "Day time Emmys, Watch out! Here I come!" Lol! But let me tell you something, doing this has helped me in SO MANY ways! Once you are down there, once you start letting everything run through you...it can feel like you have a cyclone going through you, so many things, fear, pain, confusion, disappointment, guilt, feeling lost, alone, some I couldn't even put a name to, and I just had to tell myself to keep breathing, visualizing it passing through me, paying attention to the physical sensations I was feeling. It took it all out of my head and let my Body ACTUALLY feel these emotions. I used this tool a lot when I started feeling SO frustrated that I wasn't getting the results I wanted to at the gym and I wanted to give up.
I also recently had a big ah ha moment when I realized that if you don't allow yourself to Fully feel the emotions you have, they just stay inside of you...so you will continue to feel them until you do Fully feel and release them.
The great thing that always follows one of these moments is that you get to the other side of it. Once everything runs through you, pours out of you, you are left with this fresh empty feeling. Not empty in a bad way, but in a great way, like inside of you, there is this solid base, this ocean floor sized strong, awesome, magnificent, base that isn't going anywhere! Rori Raye actually uses the comparison of the ocean floor and the ocean current...and until I tried just now to describe how this all feels myself and in my own words...I realized how perfect her description is. All of those emotions that you are not allowing yourself to fully feel, or you are trying to ignore...instead of letting them toss you about, she says you need to imagine yourself planted in the ocean floor and you let them flow by you. They can make you rock and sway, or even bring you down to your knees, but once you let them pass, you still have your solid base of the ocean floor all around you.
So while I let these feelings rush by and through me...there were times that I would start to feel like this is too much! I can't handle all of this....but I would just keep breathing...keep focusing on the actual physical feelings in my body...and on the solid ground and floor that was underneath me....while I had the feelings passing through me my breath felt hot, like with each breath I was expelling all of the hurt and confusion....but eventually my breath would just feel clean and clear...It would turn into a calm and steady breath....And I was back to my solid ocean floor....there is this feeling of a great underlying strength inside yourself...again like that ocean floor. You can't get rid of the ocean floor. No current of emotion is going take it away. It can change the landscape of it, but it can't destroy it. Then ...you look around and realize you are still standing (or kneeling ;)) and your okay... After doing this I feel like I can say YES! I have successfully "processed" my emotions! And I feel ready to move forward in a much more steady, focused and powerful way. (-_-)/
I also wanted to give you another option instead of dropping to your knees....I did have a time that I realized I needed to get some emotions out of me...and dropping to my knees just didn't feel like it was going to do it...So I went for a drive one night after the gym. I rolled down all the windows in my car, opened the sunroof, and turned up the music. I then drove through the mountains. It was dark outside, just the stars and the soft glow of my dashboard lights. The fresh mountain air rushed around me in the car, causing my hair to whip around my face, just like my feelings of anger, frustration, and helplessness were rushing and whipping around and through me. God it felt quite magnificent! That would be how I would define honoring my emotions....I honored the hell out of them! ;)
I'm not always successful in remembering to allow myself to just feel what I am feeling. I still revert to my old methods from time to time. But I'm getting better at being more self aware. And every time I remember and do this..allow myself to just feel them...like when I went to hit the "Publish" button on my first blog...this rush of fear, and uncertainty hit me...I could already imagine myself being the victim and being judged and criticized and looked down upon...so I let myself fully feel all of that...then once those feelings were experienced and gone...all I felt was my base level strength...that is me. And then all I could feel was powerful and strong and supported. No matter what, I know I have my back and that I will be okay. That is a great feeling! You can find that feeling inside of yourself too! It is already there. You just need to let the current of your emotions wash through you and over you so that it can reveal itself to you. :)
As with all of my posts (All 2 of them now! Lol! ;)) I hope that maybe something in them will resonate and possibly be of help to whoever might be seeking it... If you already know all of this stuff then I say good for you! Keep being your awesome self and remember to keep breathing you will be ok!! Sending you all Big Love!!! <3 <3 <3
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